“You Deserve It.” What If We Truly Allowed Ourselves to Hear It?

Someone said a very simple sentence to me this week. And it stayed with me.

“You deserve it.”

No, it wasn’t an advertisement.
Nor an attempt at flattery.
Just the sincere words of an employee at a car rental agency, as he offered me a complimentary upgrade for my next booking.

Free.
Uncalculated.
And above all… a sentence we hear so rarely: you deserve it.

A sentence which, if I am honest, I almost never say to myself.

Out of modesty.
Out of a form of misplaced humility.
Because I don’t think about it.
And more often still, because somewhere I believe I do not really deserve it.

And then a slightly uncomfortable question arose:
if I do not grant myself this right, how can I expect others to recognise it?

The tables turned.

What I tell leaders… and what I apply less easily to myself

In my work with leaders and executives, I often say it clearly:

Yes, you deserve.
Recognition.
Time for yourself.
Consideration.

Being a leader does not mean functioning permanently under tension, without feedback, without breathing space, without acknowledgement.

And I also say this very explicitly:
when we believe we do not deserve, reality eventually aligns with that belief.

Not by chance.
But because our internal GPS — often unconscious — does exactly what it is designed to do. It scans, collects, confirms:
the times when we “should” have received,
the moments when we gave without return,
that quiet, sometimes almost shameful, sense of silent injustice.

Over time, this internal system simply validates what we already believe to be true.

The sparring partner mirror

Another question then emerged, even more demanding:
if I do not apply to myself what I invite my clients to practice, what kind of sparring partner mirror am I truly holding up for them?

So I stopped.
Really stopped.

I tried to lower my guard.
(I won’t pretend this comes naturally to me.)

And I simply said to myself:
“I deserve.”

Without conditions.
Without having to do more.
Without having to prove again.

We are not animals who only receive rewards after performance.

Being here.
Doing our best.
Sustaining effort over time.
That already carries merit.

Treating ourselves with the same respect we offer others