This CFO would rather quit than say he was angry

Six months ago, on a Friday evening, he arrived visibly unsettled. His group had just selected a controlling tool he considered wrong — even though he had led the project himself, and his team had recommended a cheaper, more agile, closer-to-the-ground alternative.

An exchange that told me everything

“Are you angry?” I asked.

“No, I won’t let myself get angry. That wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“What are you then — frustrated, irritated?”

“Irritated.”

“How much?”

“Enough to resign. This is an intolerable lack of respect towards the project team.”

“So you are angry.”

“If you want to call it that. But in my basic operating kit, in the way I was raised, you don’t have the right to be angry. You stay in control. It’s not polite.”

“So you’d rather say nothing and resign than express it?”

“Yes. That’s better than showing my anger.”

Talent that leaves through the back door

This kind of situation is my daily reality — and probably yours too. People who leave because they never received the toolkit to name what they feel or express what they need. At any age, at any level of the organization.

For a long time, I did the same: I preferred to flee, absorb, bend, rather than show what I was feeling. Out of fear of not knowing how to handle others’ negative reactions.

The good news: it can be worked on

At 20 or at 50. CFO, CHRO, or any other function. This CFO tells me regularly now: he learned step by step. He no longer needs to use barbed remarks delivered three levels deep in irony. He can now say what he needs, with precision.

And you — what would you be willing to lose rather than saying, just once, that you are angry?

To work on your relationship with emotions as a leader, discover Manentiel at manentiel.com.