Jealousy at work: the silent national sport — and what it reveals about you

A dinner. He talks about his new role, his new lifestyle. Casual tone, as if it were obvious.

Ten years ago, I recruited him into my HR team. Trained him. Coached him. Pushed him towards career moves he wouldn’t have dared ask for alone.

He doesn’t remember.

And that evening, I felt two things rise at once.

What I actually felt

A lack of recognition — I contributed, even by 1%, to what he’s become, and it counts for nothing in his memory.

And jealousy. Pure, undisguised. He has access to levels I might have coveted a few years ago. A lifestyle I don’t have.

I’m no better than the clients who tell me the same thing about a promoted colleague, a project that slipped away from them.

Jealousy is a national sport practised in silence.

What I’ve learned to do with it

Now, every time I hear myself comparing, I press the STOP button. And I ask myself two questions.

Is this really the life I wanted — or just the feeling that I deserved access to it too?

And what have I built that I never give myself enough credit for?

Because if I envy someone, it’s usually because they do something very well that I don’t do well enough. And once I’ve found what’s truly driving the jealousy, I can either decide to develop that quality — or accept it’s not actually what I want.

What jealousy reveals about you

Jealousy says nothing about the other person. It says everything about what you value, what you think you deserve, the decisions you haven’t yet made.

Using someone you trained and who has surpassed you as a signal of your own lack — is missing the point entirely. Training someone who surpasses you is a success. Not a shortfall.

And if nothing else works, I go for a walk in nature. The four-leaf clover doesn’t envy the three-leaf one. There’s room for everyone.

The last time you felt jealous of someone you helped grow — who was it?

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